pensive today.

Missing my brother a lot lately.
It seems like there's triggers everywhere lately...some make me smile, others make me laugh....and then there's the ones that hurt so bad I have to check to make sure I'm not bleeding. Those are the exhausting ones.
Today I feel pensive, reflective and a little sad. I think about the things he's missing out on....he didn't see me get married...I know he would have been so happy for me and probably would have asked if my dress was big enough (there was a lot of poof to it once the train was bustled). He would have teased me about tripping down the aisle...but then he would have watched with a huge grin as I promised to love honor and cherish all the days of my life.

Yesterday I brought up you tube during my lunch and break....I played "Come Ye Sinners" several times.... We had a dear friend play some praise music during our wedding...that was one of the songs he played. The words to it are a balm to my soul on those days when everything hurts.....from missing my brother....to a hard day at work....to the trials that show up and smack us around....

I won't post the whole song...I really like Todd Agnew's version of it - but the chorus goes "I will arise and go to Jesus....and He will embrace me in his arms....and in the arms of my dear Savior, oh there are 10,000 charms..."

There's another line to the song that says "if you tarry until you're better, then you will never come at all...." That one got me yesterday. God is our great comforter....he supplies all of our needs....He's unfailing....but if I wait to go talk to him until I'm doing better...I'm never going to get there.... so...I'm going to arise and go to Jesus and be embraced by the love of his everlasting arms.