The Meanest Thing in My House

What's the meanest thing in your house?

If you ask my daughter she'd probably tell you the "nap time rule."

For me, it's the scale.  It doesn't care that I feel insecure today. It doesn't care that I'm feeling incredibly unpretty right now and that I'm annoyed at my utter lack of willpower.
Nope. There it is.

Confirming what I already knew....I gained back everything I had lost.

I don't get it...all I did was stop exercising (boo winter), and ate whatever I felt like eating without regard to quantity or hour of day.....

....oh wait...

Being a full time mother is easily the hardest job I have ever done.  There are no vacation days, sick days or personal time. I can't even guarantee I'll get a shower every day.  I'm responsible for this whole other life....and it's funny, I thought once I became the parent I'd be the one in charge....but my schedule is still dictated by the inquisitive three year old wanting to know what that sound is, what color is that shirt, what's the hand gonna get to (we're working on telling time in home school), what are you doing, mommy? lather rinse repeat ad nauseum.

I should be at my skinniest.  And yet...I'm close to my heaviest.

The scale just sits there. It puts the display right up there on my tv not caring how harsh that number is.

Mean as it is, the scale is the reality check.  The reminder that maybe I should drink another glass of water instead of finding the bottom of the candy bowl and as much as I want it to be, chocolate is only a vegetable in memes.

It's time to pull the blender back out and remember that I really do like kale smoothies. (no, really, they are delicious with some frozen berries and vanilla protein powder!)
So today, I'll share some of my favorite "yes, you should eat this instead" type snacks.

Ironically, last night I made one of the healthiest dinners I've eaten in a very long time...
I made a sauce of fresh tomatoes, garlic, onions, fresh basil, oregeno, salt and pepper.  I added fresh mushrooms to that and instead of boiling up some pasta...I sliced some zucchini on my mandolin and made those into "noodles."  Even Bean ate it and liked it.

Kale Chips - rip kale into bite sized pieces and toss in olive oil and a little sea salt (if you like spice add some crushed red pepper) bake at 350º for around 20 minutes or until crispy then hit them with a touch of citrus (I like lime best) when the chips come out.  They're supposed to keep in an airtight container for like a week but I think they taste best fresh.

I belong to Spark People, and they are awesome at healthifying recipes - even delights like mozarella sticks so this one is from there.... take fat free or reduced fat string cheese, cut them in half, dip in egg wash, roll in panko, and bake on an olive oil greased pan until crunchy on the outside.

I know what I need to do. I just need to stop being mad that I got here and remember that I know full well the way out.

(insert witty title here)

So...in venturing through blogdom and picking up my phone, I've been surrounded with news of babies! Very exciting! Lots of little ones to borrow :)

Things are pretty good on our end...we said goodbye to the neon with the failing transmission...we said hello to the "new" Buick (oh Eye LOVE it!).

We're working tons, but that's how bills get paid, right? I'm down 2 pounds total from my ventures into healthier lifestyle....I'm bummed that it's only 2 pounds.....but....I should also be thrilled that it's at least stayed steady for a little bit. Wanna hear something funny? Yesterday, I thought I BLEW my day....I over did it on the fiber during the day so my stomach was good and mad by the time I got home...so I fixed a grilled cheese sandwich and grabbed a small handful of chips.....thinking, eh, at least I'll feel better. Logged into Spark this morning....I was UNDER my calorie goals for the day! ha!

This weekend we're heading to LittleCVille for the youngest nephew's first birthday party (he turned one yesterday....where did the year go??). I called my sister yesterday and told her that I was thrilled that I got much more sleep this year than I did that day last year...she laughed and said that even getting up at 7 she did too....(I got up at 3 to be in town in time to go with her to the hospital at 5....*shudder*).

I know...this is a boring post and there are no pictures. But hey, now you know I am alive, my hands haven't been glued together and I remember how to type - these are all good things, I assure you :)

I haven't had much time home lately so no yummerific pics to post....hopefully I'll get a chance to cook over the next few weekends....although, the freezer is pretty much stuffed with healthy fast frozen options....(have you tried the fake chicken patties by morningstar farms? mm mm mm!)

and on that note.....I'm going to stop talking about food and drink another glass of water.....
did you know that you are actually dehydrated when you wake up? yup. you may not feel it, but you actually are - so it is vital to your body and your metabolism that you drink a glass of water first thing!

One foot in front of the other....

So.....
I've boldly and fearfully shared my goal to lose weight...I've put myself out there and am becoming accountable.

Last night I was sharing my frustrations with Bug and he brought out two sheets of notebook paper. On one he had listed his goals, the other was for me. We talked about what we needed to do to meet those goals and how we would celebrate once we got there...we talked about how we can workout together without renewing the gym membership....how we can cheer each other on and strive to cook more meals than not....to put some control back into what goes into our stomachs....olive oil vs. butter....grapes vs. dessert.....
and he made an excellent point.
Instead of saying "I am going to eat less fried things" I should say "I am going to eat more raw veggies." because the second I mention the fried foods...that's all I'm going to think about...and I'll gnaw my way through half the kitchen before giving in and eating the darn fries....

Interesting.

So...I managed to put two pounds back on. And I tried my hardest not to get upset...but it did upset me....and so I comforted myself with a snack....what is wrong with me?
I'm miserable at this weight. My clothes don't fit, I don't have any energy and yet....it's not enough to kick my butt into gear. hrm.

Fortunately, I have a husband who cares about my goals and manages to help me focus toward them rather than making me feel like he thinks I'm fat. In fact, he gets rather annoyed with me when I am down on myself about my weight and feeling like I am less attractive since we got married....he gently kisses me, tells me that I am beautiful and suggests that maybe I'd like an apple instead of ice cream....
and you know what? I appreciate it.

I LOVE YOU BUG!!!!!

So...I hung the eat better America healthified recipe calendar in the kitchen and here we go.

doubt....sleeplessness....ugh....

Ever doubt yourself? Ever worry about your day and replay it over and over in your mind trying to reassure yourself that you did everything as you were supposed to and could you please shut down your mind and go to sleep now?

That's where I was last night....the anxiety chewing up my stomach, and the mighty taco didn't help either.....so I prayed until I fell asleep....amazing how much that helps.

I was frustrated with this same thing not long ago and voice same to Bug. I vented. "God freed me from this prison! Why am I anxious? Why am I so stressed I could throw up? huh? WHY??" My wonderful husband was quiet for a moment and then said something that stopped me in my tracks. "It's a prison with an open door. You need to walk out of it."

ooh. he's right. I was freed, I don't have to be a slave to the worry.....so why am I sitting in the cage? The door's open.....so how about I strap on my shield of faith and walk out?

Yesterday was a hard day, and I didn't eat much...so by the time I headed home, I needed at least 900 calories to round out the day and not under eat. So I got some mighty taco to cure that. I think I may be going about this wrong....although, I did weigh in down two pounds last night! wahoo!

I don't want to get tired just folding laundry.

I am tired of having to wear long jackets because the waistband on my pants doesn't look right. I'm tired of having to be creative in my wardrobe because only three pairs of pants fit.
I'm tired of having no energy.
I'm tired of wanting to go to bed at 7:00.
I'm tired of having no willpower over fatty fried foods.

wow.
admitting all of that.....
now what? Do I continue to eat the fried stuff and whine about how it's going to hurt tomorrow?
.....well, I hope not.....so.....I'm posting about it.

Bug gave me my birthday present a little early....and I've already lost 4 pounds...but last night? I ate 20 chicken nuggets without blinking...(ok so maybe I blinked a few times...but I inhaled those suckers without regard for the 900ish calories I was taking in.....)

so....tonight I need to hula-hoop a few extra rounds....as well as clean out my car for the arrival of the replacement....

the other tool I've found? OH it's wonderful!! My dear sweet L friend turned me on to it - and it's amazing how much it helps just being held accountable....

Most days I look at the cookie and ask "Do I really want to have to log this?" and there are support teams for when I've had a craptastic day and really just want something fried to make it all go away.....

so what is this wonderful tool? Spark People. This guy decided to help people lose weight and get healthy and invested a ton of his OWN money to do so.....so I've been reading articles, tracking foods, touching base with a friend and learning that it's more than just not eating the french fries until the pants fit again...it's a whole lifestyle change....healthy changes done over time that stick...

I entered Stage 2 today.....