I always swore I'd be an organized mom. My mother likes to remind me how I sat on my couch, hand on my VERY pregnant belly, looking around my sophisticated living room saying it would never be full of toys, and that my house would never look like it was taken over by a kid who just happened to have two adults living there too....
Anyone who has been to my home in the last year and a half.... please, tone your uproarious laughter to a giggle....
I now live in a giant toy box. My beautiful mauve and cream rug is now in my pantry and replaced by a bright alpha/numeric foam play mat. My chic black coffee table and end tables are in storage to make room for the rack of toys. My cream colored sofa is covered with sheets and my office went from a neatly organized den to our laptop on a tv tray in the living room. (Yeah, we aren't gonna talk about the comedy movie overstuffed closet of "where should this go" that the den has become).
There's a blue and bright green tent sitting next to my dining room table. I have a drawer in my kitchen devoted to toys Bean can safely get to and play with while I make dinner. I have an entire cupboard that is full of sippy cups, plastic plates and semi-toddler proof snack cups. I have locks on my toilet, fridge/freezer and cabinets. I run a swiffer vac daily...and find that I have to empty the collection chamber at least as often if not more.
Any given day, I can walk into my daughter's room and if she's awake, expect to see that she has removed all of the books from her shelf, and is happily sitting in the midst of them excitedly pointing out lions, princesses and even "Minnie Nouse!" This is why they are no longer put back on the shelf according to genre, size and author. I'm just thrilled that they make it to the shelf nightly...and sometimes even with little hands helping (wahoo she's learning)!
I have the theme songs to dozens of cartoony educational programs memorized and yes, I'm that mom that realizes baby went to bed 40 minutes ago, and I'm still pointing out what Sandman is creating in the sand.
My manicure lasts about 16 hours, and that's if I have time to put the topcoat on. Dishes may not get washed every day...heck, I may not even get a shower every day. There's a crate of toys on my bathroom floor and I've given up on the notion of ever going to the bathroom alone again for the next several years....
My morning routine has changed. Once upon a time, that meant sipping piping hot coffee while doing my hair in some professional style, applying light makeup before donning my suit or other dress clothes and adding the perfect shoes to my bag.
Now, it's a race to the keurig while finding some deoderant and putting my hair in a ponytail and tugging on some yoga pants. Although, I do see hope as we have progressed from thrice microwaved coffee to only once or twice now... So now, I try to get the coffee in me while Bean decides if she's going to eat her cereal bar or just rub it on her forehead then bring out the swiffer vac to dispatch with the sticky crumbs that I'd rather not glue themselves to the hardwood then we are off! I am a firm believer in independent play time every day - not just so mommy can have a moment to breathe, but I want Bean to develop her imagination, to learn that if she presses this button her kitchen set makes a new sound...it's important. It's also the time I sit back and write ceremonies, respond to inquiries and remember that my coffee is still in the microwave.
As she's getting to be more independent and verbal, Bean will bring me things while she's playing - her discoveries. She's figured out that her little plastic cups look a lot like mommy's coffee cup so she will bring me one, grinning ear to ear, and say "Hot coffee!" and hand it to me with pride. I delightfully sip the air from the cup and tell her it's delicious and don't so much worry that I have no idea where I left off on whatever task I was doing. Soon, it will be nap time, and I'll once again attempt to locate the living room floor.
BUT
you know what? My kid is happy. She's healthy, and it doesn't so much matter that I barely got the swiffer vac run today before she had her toy bin empty again. She says please, thank you and bless you. She understands "inside voice please" and yeah, she doesn't sleep the greatest....but she'll run over to me, announce "come see me!" and after I pick her up, rest her little head on my chest and say "snuggle mommy. snuggle mommy" and in that moment, I am again reminded how incredibly blessed I am to have this tiny person in my life and that God saw fit to give her to us.
YES. I firmly believe that children do need to behave in public, but I don't think that means that they can't get excited because there's a fish tank the the doctor's waiting room...or they can't decide they'd rather not try the fork today because really, who eats chicken nuggets with a fork? Yes, Bean is to the age where she knows there's no screaming in the store, and that she cannot hit, and she is learning to share....
But now, I'm learning that there are much more important things than my home looking perfect, or being able to carry on a whole conversation in a restaurant without once stopping to say "color on the paper, not the table sweetheart."
Many know my wonderful husband made it possible for me to be a stay home mom and it has made me realize how incredibly and truly blessed we are. I know there are many women who wish they had crayon to clean off of the floor and baby fingerprints on the flatscreen tv that needs to be surrounded by a safety gate lest the dvd player end up with a slice of ham in it. And my heart goes out to those women, and I utter a prayer that God would give them their desires, through pregnancy or adoption.
God's constantly working on me, and yeah, I'd say I've come a long way, but I know He's nowhere near finished with me. I'm learning to see His hand in the many situations in my life, good and not so good. I'm learning to be thankful for the block I stepped on in the dark because it means my daughter had fun playing with them today. I'm learning to treasure that 3 a.m. "mommy! snuggle mommy! rocka rocka! MOOOOOMMMMYYYY I NEED MY MOOOOMMMMYYY!" call that still occasionally rings out, because she's going to decide one day she's too big for snuggling up with mommy. (Yes, I will cry that day.)
And if I can count blessings when I haven't slept all night, am rocking my girl as she pokes my nose and identifies my hair and ears and kicks my ribs or as I clean up the juice she figured out how to get from her sippy cup to her toy frying pan or even as I clean up the wet footprints on the bathroom floor because she decided to stand IN her potty after filling it....
Then I should be able to count blessings in many other aspects of my life.
Funny, this post started out as a quick comment on a post about not apologizing for kids being...well...kids. Then it turned into a blog about how I've learned that it's ok if my daughter isn't silent at Red Robin or that my house is a toy box. And finally it turned into me finally being quiet long enough to hear what God has been trying to say to me - It's ok that you're living in a bit of a mess at times. It's ok that things aren't going exactly as you planned them. I know where all the pieces of the puzzle are and I have GOT YOU. I am blessing you in so many ways, and I will supply all your needs, so please stop worrying.
Well.
My microwave has been flashing "end" for about an hour now, maybe that's where my coffee is. I think it may be time to retrieve it, remind Bean that nap time really does mean sleep, then stare at my greatest blessing for a while, and marvel again at how she teaches me as much if not more than I teach her.
