doubt....sleeplessness....ugh....

Ever doubt yourself? Ever worry about your day and replay it over and over in your mind trying to reassure yourself that you did everything as you were supposed to and could you please shut down your mind and go to sleep now?

That's where I was last night....the anxiety chewing up my stomach, and the mighty taco didn't help either.....so I prayed until I fell asleep....amazing how much that helps.

I was frustrated with this same thing not long ago and voice same to Bug. I vented. "God freed me from this prison! Why am I anxious? Why am I so stressed I could throw up? huh? WHY??" My wonderful husband was quiet for a moment and then said something that stopped me in my tracks. "It's a prison with an open door. You need to walk out of it."

ooh. he's right. I was freed, I don't have to be a slave to the worry.....so why am I sitting in the cage? The door's open.....so how about I strap on my shield of faith and walk out?

Yesterday was a hard day, and I didn't eat much...so by the time I headed home, I needed at least 900 calories to round out the day and not under eat. So I got some mighty taco to cure that. I think I may be going about this wrong....although, I did weigh in down two pounds last night! wahoo!

I don't want to get tired just folding laundry.

I am tired of having to wear long jackets because the waistband on my pants doesn't look right. I'm tired of having to be creative in my wardrobe because only three pairs of pants fit.
I'm tired of having no energy.
I'm tired of wanting to go to bed at 7:00.
I'm tired of having no willpower over fatty fried foods.

wow.
admitting all of that.....
now what? Do I continue to eat the fried stuff and whine about how it's going to hurt tomorrow?
.....well, I hope not.....so.....I'm posting about it.

Bug gave me my birthday present a little early....and I've already lost 4 pounds...but last night? I ate 20 chicken nuggets without blinking...(ok so maybe I blinked a few times...but I inhaled those suckers without regard for the 900ish calories I was taking in.....)

so....tonight I need to hula-hoop a few extra rounds....as well as clean out my car for the arrival of the replacement....

the other tool I've found? OH it's wonderful!! My dear sweet L friend turned me on to it - and it's amazing how much it helps just being held accountable....

Most days I look at the cookie and ask "Do I really want to have to log this?" and there are support teams for when I've had a craptastic day and really just want something fried to make it all go away.....

so what is this wonderful tool? Spark People. This guy decided to help people lose weight and get healthy and invested a ton of his OWN money to do so.....so I've been reading articles, tracking foods, touching base with a friend and learning that it's more than just not eating the french fries until the pants fit again...it's a whole lifestyle change....healthy changes done over time that stick...

I entered Stage 2 today.....